


Of Honey and Moldy Cheese

by Aida



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Bilbo is a manipulator, Dwalin's a picky eater, F/F, Femslash Friday, Fluff, Frodo just knows better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-13
Updated: 2013-07-13
Packaged: 2017-12-19 07:49:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aida/pseuds/Aida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dwalin might be acting like a child, but there was no way Bilbo would convince her to eat that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Honey and Moldy Cheese

**Author's Note:**

> I had been planning to write this little ficcie for a while now, kinda leaving it on the back burner. Then I figured, hey, it's femslash friday, why not give it a go with femslash?
> 
> This is my first-ever femslash contribution, so bear with me!

“Come on! Just one bite!”

Dwalin glared at her, arms crossed as she sat at the table. Bilbo, her wife, merely met her gaze straight on, nudging the plate closer to her. 

She had a feeling she would pay for what had happened some day. When she was digging through the hobbit lass’s pantry and assessing her very full stores with her sister. When she took that moldy cheese, sniffed it, and then tossed it onto the floor. Bilbo had brought it up a few times, once they started getting to know one another, then when they were courting. But she never truly thought that Bilbo would get her revenge for her food like _this_.

How was she to know that hobbits valued moldy cheese as _food_ , anyway?

She shifted her glare to her plate, which held her serving of elevensies (Dwalin had no complaints on being put on a hobbit eating schedule). Slices of bread topped with some sort of fruit, all covered with that cursed _cheese_. Fruit was bad enough, this whole _meal_ was (not even a hint of meat!), but that cheese was the tipping point. Dwalin could only tolerate so many things about her wife trying to feed her better, but this wasn’t one of those things.

“Glaring at it won’t send it away.” Bilbo said, cutting off Dwalin’s thoughts. Said dwarrowdam just huffed and looked out the window instead. Perhaps, she thought, if she just ignored the poor excuse of a meal, Bilbo would finally give up and take the plate away.

“I don’t know why you’re being so picky.” Bilbo groused. “I mean, look at Frodo! She has the same thing you do, and she’s eating it! And she’s barely a _tween_!”

Dwalin looked at their niece then, seeing how those bright blue eyes danced with mirth as she nibbled on one of the rounds, licking her fingers. For some odd reason, she felt a little betrayed. Even after all she had taught her…

“Dwarves have a sensitive palette.” Dwalin finally stated. “We can’t stomach the same things you hobbits can.”

Clearly, Bilbo wasn’t buying it. “Oh, really?” She asked flatly. “This coming from a woman who ate meat off the floor and biscuits that had been tossed in the bin?”

“That meat had been dropped! It would’ve been a waste!” She cried, trying to defend herself as she heard Frodo choke down her giggles. “And those biscuits were still good!”

“They were a _week_ old!” Bilbo cried back. “And I had just made more!”

Dwalin huffed. “Doesn’t matter.” She groused. “I’m not eating that.”

Bilbo growled, turning to the sink, and Dwalin felt a little pleased with herself. Clearly, she had given up trying to force such food down her throat. It wouldn’t kill her to skip a meal, anyway. She could just go train out back instead.

“Don’t you dare get up from that table, Dwalin!” Bilbo snarled from her spot when Dwalin moved to do so. “Or you will be sleeping in the shed tonight!”

Dwalin sputtered, shocked and upset that Bilbo would say such things. She wasn’t a child anymore, so she shouldn’t be forced to stay at the table if her plate wasn’t emptied. In fact, she had a mind to get up and go outside, just to prove her point… But Bilbo never made idle threats, as she learned early on in their association.

So she sat back down, trying to find a way to get rid of the offending plate and it’s moldy food. For a moment, she thought of pawning it off on Frodo, but she was already finishing the last little round of the stuff. As if reading her mind, Frodo looked up at her and shook her head, warning her off of any plans she was trying to put into action.

“Are you done, Frodo?” Bilbo asked, and Dwalin narrowed her eyes at her. She sounded far too cheery.

“Yes, Auntie Bilbo.” Frodo chirped back, continuing to send Dwalin a warning look.

“Then be a good girl and bring me your plate.” She continued. “You have to meet up with the Gamgees soon.”

Frodo immediately moved to follow Bilbo’s wishes, smiling around her last bite as she stood and picked up her plate, practically tossing it to her aunt. After kissing Dwalin on top of her head, which she had inclined to allow, she left. 

There was silence then, and Dwalin found her eyes landing back on her food. Truly, it was the food’s fault for winding her up in this mess. Why did moldy cheese have to exist? It did no good, as was clearly evident. Now Bilbo was trying to figure out a way to get her to eat the stuff. None of her plans would work though. Dwalin was stubborn, and she was proud to admit it. There was no way Bilbo would get her to eat it.

She blinked then, as the plate was pushed aside and her view of it was obscured by her hobbit and her soft, round form as she hopped onto the table in front of her.

Dwalin was already tilting her head up when Bilbo placed that finger on her chin, and she inhaled sharply when she saw that dark spark in her wife’s eyes.

“I’ve got something for you.” She crooned, and oh, Dwalin could only happily guess what that was. But when she tried to grab Bilbo, to pull her closer, she was shoved away. “Ah-ah. Not that, not right now anyway, but this.”

Dwalin blinked when Bilbo reached behind her and held out a jar filled with liquid amber. Honey, she realized after a moment. Bilbo brought out the honey. And oh, that was the most pleasant turn of events Dwalin ever witnessed in her life. The only other time Bilbo had brought out the honey like this, it had resulted in one of the most incredible sexual experiences in her life. Only good things were come when Bilbo brought out the honey.

She watched, rapt as Bilbo deftly opened the jar, swallowing hard when the lid was placed on the table, followed by the jar, though it was kept rather close by. 

Then Bilbo picked up one of the fruit-and-cheese rounds from Dwalin’s plate, and her heart plummeted.

“Now, now.” Bilbo chided, also pulling a spoon from her pocket. “Just a moment.”

She watched as Bilbo then dipped the spoon into the honey, bringing the round up close, then drizzling it with the amber-like substance. 

“There…” She breathed, returning the spoon into the jar before lifting the glistening round in front of Dwalin’s face. “Now try it.”

Dwalin just frowned, because she had just ruined perfectly good honey. Perhaps she was wrong when she thought that only _good_ things were to come.

“Please?” Bilbo asked softly, and Dwalin swallowed, because she was using _that_ voice. “Just one bite. That’s all I ask. If you really don’t like it, I won’t push you into eating it anymore.”

Dwalin stared at it, at the bread with fruit, moldy cheese, dripping with glistening honey in her hobbit’s hand. She really should protest more, should still refuse, but then Bilbo would probably not talk to her, let alone do anything _else_ with her, for quite some time. Plus, she worked hard trying to get her to eat this. She brought out the honey to practically bribe Dwalin into eating it. If anything, Bilbo was always true to her word, so when Dwalin finally took a bite and told her she didn’t like it, she will finally leave it alone.

Then perhaps they could still use the honey.

It was with those thoughts that she finally opened her mouth and allowed Bilbo to feed it to her. Making sure she didn’t get fingers, she bit down, taking a chunk of it and chewing. She was so wrapped up on trying to decipher what she was tasting that she didn’t even notice Bilbo licking a drop of honey off her upper lip. 

There was the bread, yeasty and soft, with the crunch of the crust. The tart fruit and the sweetness of the honey. Then there was a peculiar, creamy taste as well. Salty, certainly, but something else as well. It wasn’t particularly foul, but she was sure that she would’ve immediately spat the bite out if it there was even a hint more. 

All in all, Dwalin had to begrudgingly admit that it wasn’t that bad.

“Well?”

Dwalin looked up at Bilbo. At her wide, hopeful eyes as she still held the rest of the round in her hand. She shrugged.

“It wasn’t… entirely… unpleasant.” She conceded, narrowing her eyes when Bilbo hissed in victory. “But don’t go thinking you can go shoveling that stuff down my throat now!”

“Of course, love! Of course!” Bilbo chirped. “But see? It wasn’t so bad now, was it?”

Dwalin grumbled, unwilling to admit that, perhaps, she acted a little too irrationally over the entire thing. 

She still got a kiss on the forehead for it.

“Now, hurry up and finish!” Bilbo stated, swooping off the table and heading back to the sink. Dwalin sighed, admitting defeat, but she wouldn’t go down without a fight. So, she grabbed the honey, pulled out the spoon and made sure to drizzle hefty portions of the stuff on each round.

“Don’t use all of that up, now!” Dwalin heard Bilbo chide as she finished off her one half-eaten round before moving onto the next. 

She quirked an eyebrow. “Why?”

Really, even Dwalin had to admit it was a ridiculous question. Especially when Bilbo turned and moved to stand next to her.

“Don’t you want to save it for dessert?” She purred, and Dwalin’s nostrils flared when she nipped at her ear. “Now, eat.”

Dwalin never finished a meal so fast in her life. Nor had she ever hoisted a laughing Bilbo over her shoulder and practically ran her through the house to their bedroom.

She also made sure to bring the honey with them.

**Author's Note:**

> Now I want to write a Dwalin/Bilbo/Honey fic. But perhaps sans femslash. Or perhaps with.
> 
> I dunno.


End file.
